When you have had enough with the fighting and issues in your marriage, you and your spouse may decide to take some time apart. This is often referred to as a separation, and this period of time can either cause you to miss each other and want to work out the problems, or it can lead to feelings of peace and contentment away from each other, and these feelings can often lead to a divorce. It's hard to say which direction a separation will lead you, but if you want it to lead to reconciliation, it will be important for you and your spouse to handle the separation properly. Here are some tips to help you achieve this.
Create A Plan For Living Arrangements
If you truly hope that this time apart will lead to reconciliation of the marriage, you will need to begin by talking about living arrangements. You may want to come up with a plan of living separately that will not cause either of you to go into debt. This may involve one of you moving in with a relative to avoid paying rent on a second place.
You should also discuss how you will handle other basic factors, such as the children you have, the debts you currently owe, and the responsibilities of each spouse during this time. You could try making these decisions together as a couple, or you could visit a divorce attorney for help. If you believe your spouse will not keep up with his or her responsibilities, getting the agreements in writing through a separation agreement might be a good option to consider.
Determine The Boundaries
The second important factor to discuss involves boundaries, and this is really important if you are hoping to save the marriage. Boundaries are similar to rules in a way, but it is often better to view these as guidelines. A separation is not the same thing as a divorce, and that is why discussing boundaries is important.
One common boundary you may want to have is no dating. Dating on the rebound is never a good idea, and it certainly will not help you repair a damaged marriage during separation. Another boundary might be requiring a phone call before one spouse shows up at the other spouse's home. In other words, no surprise visits.
One other issue you may want to discuss is intimacy with each other. Some couples that separate agree to remain intimate with each other during this time, and this can be helpful in some ways. Other couples, though, decide they do not want to remain intimate with each other.
You and your spouse can decide what is right for both of you as you discuss these types of issues, and both of you must be willing to abide by the guidelines you create.
Decide What Type Of Help You Should Each Seek
Finally, you may want to spend some time discussing the purpose of this separation, and this includes determining if you both should seek help during this time. Seeking help is a great way to work out feelings you have and issues you may have in your marriage, and this is something each of you can do individually through counseling services.
Agreeing on counseling for both of you can be an excellent decision if you want to save the marriage. Spending time apart may do you and your spouse some good, and counseling is one of the best methods to use to really find out what is going on in your own mind.
If you would like to learn more about legal separation or divorce, contact a divorce attorney in your area today.